I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugly people sure do ruin things
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
