I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize