I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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