i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
