He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
