i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
