Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
tell me about the eggs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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