Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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