Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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