Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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