my sisters under your porch take her home
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
