I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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