seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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