oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
