They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
