did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
