Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
