please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
