is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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