I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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