Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
