she was so not down for the gang bang
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
