11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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