ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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