i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
