I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
