I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
