Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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