ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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