You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What drink are we having for lunch?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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