I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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