i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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