South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
