Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize