this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
