dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
