I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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