Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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