dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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