Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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