His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think i have two assholes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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