Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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