Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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