apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
