six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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