Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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