what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
