Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
