I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
