she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
