She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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