maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
