I hate your face
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
