She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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