Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize