i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's just like the Real World with babies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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