what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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