you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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