i don't plan on having that self control this summer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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