Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
