let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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