we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm like, not good at living.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
