Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
