..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
