were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
