I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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