Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
