I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
