This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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