After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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