you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
