Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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