Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
