I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
