1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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