no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
