I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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