just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
