I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
