dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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